The story begins in Korea actually. Last month, I traveled to Jeju Island with a Chinese tour group. I was the only foreigner on this Chinese tour bus; in fact, I was the only non-Chinese person on the plane. On the return flight back to China, I was the only person on the entire flight who needed to complete an immigration entrance card. I speak basic Chinese and luckily I met a 26 year-old Chinese girl named Jennifer who was willing to speak English with me during our island travels. This trip is another story, though after five days I felt I had made a new Chinese friend.
A week after our return to HeiLongJiang province, Jennifer and her husband Yang Shuai had a wedding ceremony and invited me to join. I wasn't able to attend, though I told her that if I ever get time off work I will travel to her city for a visit. One month later, my work gave me time-off; and as promised, I booked my train tickets to and from MuDanJiang (leaving Friday morning and returning Saturday late night). I had a feeling one night would be enough.
DAY ONE:
Friday morning comes early, and I board the train. During the ride, my friend Jennifer texts me to ask if I would like to travel with her and her husband on Monday and Tuesday. Having already bought a return ticket home and having lessons those two days, I tell her that I am not sure if I can. A few more convincing texts later, I agree that I'd be willing to stay the two extra days if it means I get to see more Chinese tourist sights. Six hours later, we finally arrive at the MuDanJiang train station and sell my return ticket back to Harbin.
Friday morning comes early, and I board the train. During the ride, my friend Jennifer texts me to ask if I would like to travel with her and her husband on Monday and Tuesday. Having already bought a return ticket home and having lessons those two days, I tell her that I am not sure if I can. A few more convincing texts later, I agree that I'd be willing to stay the two extra days if it means I get to see more Chinese tourist sights. Six hours later, we finally arrive at the MuDanJiang train station and sell my return ticket back to Harbin.
Jennifer asks me what I want to eat, and I tell her that I am hungry and would like to eat some vegetable dishes. I carry my bags as we walk around the underground market of the train station. We continue walking around until we arrive at an eye doctor's office. We are seated and given some cold water. I ask, "What are we doing here?" She responds, "I want glasses." I question, "Are you going to have a full-eye exam and fitting for glasses right now?" She responds, "Yes, I want glasses." I decide to stop questioning her and take a rest in the air-conditioning. I sit, wait, and watch her stumble around the room wearing eye glasses that were clearly not her prescription. 45 minutes go by when she finally tells me to stand up because we are leaving...without glasses.
Leaving the eye doctor, she walks me to a shopping center. She asks me if I want to eat at KFC. I tell her, "No, thanks." She asks me if I want to eat KFC ice cream, and I agree. We go up to the counter. I ask her to order me a coffee ice cream. She tells me that the coffee ice cream is not good. I tell her I like coffee. She talks with the cashier. 5 minutes later the two ice creams arrive but no coffee ice cream. She says, "Oh, it looks like they didn't give you your coffee ice cream." I pay for both and sit down without arguing. Another 5 minutes later, she quickly finishes eating hers and rushes me to stand up again. Too tired and confused to argue, I grab my bags and follow her deeper into the mall.
She stops at an escalator and begins asking people pushing carts whether or not they will give her their shopping receipts. I ask, "What are we doing?" She responds, "My work is doing an invoice." I ask, "And so what are we doing?" She doesn't respond and walks away from me. I take a seat on a bench and finish my ice cream. Another 45 minutes goes by. At this point, I am livid that I let myself sell my return ticket back to Harbin.
After a bit more nonsense, we finally catch a bus and head to her apartment. On the bus, she receives a phone call from her mother. Following the call, she informs me that her mother and father are returning to their home with her aunt who just got into a fight with her husband; that I am no longer able to stay at her apartment; and that I will need to get a hotel room for a couple nights. This new information makes me feel a little anxious. One never knows what to expect from a Chinese hotel room. My last night in a Chinese hotel room, I got charged for washing my face with one of the towels because it was "soaking wet." How can one really feel comfortable walking on egg shells and questioning if there is a charge for using the toilet paper?
So, we arrive to her apartment. The first thing I see when I walk in is three king-sized beds and a huge couch. I ask, "Can I just sleep on this couch?" She responds, "No. That's inconvenient. What if my parents need to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night and they see a foreigner sleeping on the couch?" After the misery of the past few hours, I decide now is a good time to tell me friend that I've changed my mind and would like to leave tomorrow. After a little confusion and maneuvering around a language barrier, Jennifer yells, "YOU DECEIVED ME!" Shocked and shy, I politely explain that I have many responsibilities that need to be taken care of. Still in shock and still being yelled at, I agree that I will stay only if we travel on Monday and Tuesday. I make peace with her and myself ("It's okay, Hope. It's only two extra days. You can handle it. How bad can it really be?"). I give her a scented candle and oil set as a wedding gift, and we decided to go to dinner.
Dinner: she takes me to a MaLaTang restaurant and tells me that we will share one bowl because later we will go to a snack street. I agree and walk with her to order the bowl of spicy noodles. I explain to her that I don't like rice noodles. She tells me that she does, so she will eat them. I tell her that I like this bean curd noodle. She tells me that she doesn't and then tells the waiter in Chinese that we don't want it. I repeat to her that I like it, and she tells the waiter in Chinese to add a little. I tell myself that this experience is strengthening my patience. We share the noodles while she talks to everyone about me rather than talking with me.
Following dinner, we walk for awhile. She shows me where she used to live. Then, we begin our search for a hotel with a vacant room and toilet accessibility which is surprisingly difficult to find. We walk back to her apartment to fetch my belongings. At this point, I am overwhelmed with emotions. I cry a little as I explain to her that I will leave tomorrow evening. Once again she yells, "YOU DECEIVED ME!" I try rationalizing with her and begin telling her my feelings. She responds, "I don't know what you are saying. Can you tell me again." I give up on conversing with her and finish with, "Just know that I am leaving tomorrow."
DAY TWO:
I wake up feeling somewhat better and even a bit optimistic. My friend arrives ten minutes earlier than when she said she would, and I happen to be brushing my teeth and washing my face. Before I can turn to say good morning, my friend says to me, "Why are you not ready? We are going to be late." My optimism...down the drain. Fearing I'll be given even more early-morning attitude, I decide not to go to the bathroom.
I leave my bag at the hotel, and we walk to get "mushroom noodles" for breakfast. Again, my friend talks with everyone around me about me ("MeiGuo...MeiGuo...MeiGuo...") but not with me. We stand up to leave and my friend demands that I say goodbye. I tell her no and walk away from everyone. Jennifer tells me that she needs to stop by her work before meeting her husband at the train station. So, we walk to her office building.
At this point, I really have to go to the bathroom after holding my pee all morning. I walk the down the hallway in search of a toilet. Within seconds I hear my friend, "HOPE! HOPE! DO NOT WALK AWAY FROM ME! COME BACK HERE." Now feeling like a small child, I tell her that I need to use the bathroom. Finally, she escorts me. Two stalls, two people. We walk in together without speaking. The silence is broken when my friend asks, "Are you sh*tting?" I politely say, "No," and hurry to finish. Just as I am about to exit the stall, my friend yells, "Do not leave this room. Wait for me until I am finished." I state that I am just going to go wash my hands. Again she states, "No. You can't. Wait for me. I am not suppose to bring anyone to my work." Respecting her despite how uncomfortable I feel being locked in a closet-side room with someone who is sh*tting, I stand at the door and wait. I wait...and wait...and wait while listening to her look up English words on her phone's dictionary. I hear a feminine robotic voice slowly and clearly say the word "colleagues." I now know this is what hell feels like.
The bathroom business finishes, and we walk back towards her office. "This is my col-lee-guh," she says as she introduces me to a Chinese man "he speaks perfect English." I say hello. He says hello. And I wait for him or her to speak any more English...I wait...wait...and wait. I listen to them talk in Chinese for 20 minutes until we finally make it back to her desk. She begins typing up some Word documents. I decide to be friendly and ask, "What are you typing?" She replies, "These are documents." Trying to make conversation again, I ask, "Yes. What are they about?" She replies, "They are documents." I give up and wait for her to finish...wait...and wait. An hour passes, the documents print, and we finally head to the train station to meet her husband Yang Shuai.
There, I am reunited with her husband, a caring and kind human being who is happy to see me. He makes me feel completely welcomed, comfortable, and different. He tells me that he would like to treat me to lunch. We make our way to a nice hot pot restaurant. Another Chinese man joins us and is introduced to me as Yang Shuai's "col-lee-guh." This man immediately expresses that he likes me (translated since this man speaks not one word of English) and the lunch has suddenly turned into an unexpected double-date. I'm asked awkward questions like: "Do you like him? Do you think he is cute? What do you think about his teeth? Do you think my husband is handsome? Who is more handsome?" I decide to openly express that I have no romantic interest in this person and would like that to be translated to him.
We finish the meal and spend the rest of the afternoon walking around a park. The double-date comes to a crashing halt after I dramatically pull my hand away from this Chinese guy after he attempts to hold it. Within minutes he decides to leave. Again Jennifer demands, "Say goodbye to him. Hug him." I smile and wave goodbye as I walk towards the women's bathroom.
Needing some space and solitude, I thought a toilet stall could give me this refuge. That was until I realized there are no toilets or stalls in this woman's bathroom. Oh. No. All I could see was six holes in the ground and about four Chinese women squatting over them. In Korea, I got naked with this girl in a public bath house. Now, I was going to pee in front of her. At least this time she wouldn't have to ask me whether or not I was sh*tting?
The three of us go to a salon and get Yang Shuai's hair cut (you know since that is what every foreigner would want to do when visiting a new city and new "friends"). Later we walk to a shop, and I decided to buy some snacks for the train I will soon be taking. I purchase a Korean peanut butter bar that looks like a good travel snack and put it safely in my purse to enjoy later. We make it back to her apartment. Exhausted from the day, we all take naps. I wake up before Jennifer, and Yang Shuai motions me to follow him to the computer in the other room. In his best English, he asks "What...time...do...you...go...back...to...Harbin?" I quickly reply, "Jintian Wanshang (tonight)." He finds the train schedule online and points to the 8:05 departure. He says, "Okay." And I think, "Wow. This was easier than I thought. The devil-girl just had to fall asleep."
We both return to the living room where Jennifer is now awake and eating a Korean peanut butter bar. Surely that is not the same one. I look down at my bag which is now unzipped and missing a newly purchased Korean peanut butter bar. WHO IS THIS PERSON? Is she a real person? Is this really happening to me? The married couple talk in Chinese, and she tells me that we will all go to his colleague's house (the same guy who tried to hold my hand). I tell her that I don't want to go. She gets up, walks to the bathroom, sits on the toilet, and continues talking with me and her husband while leaving the bathroom door wide open. It gets settled that I will take the 8 o'clock train home. She then says to me, "I am sh*tting right now. So, you need to go with Yang Shuai to get your stuff from the hotel because I am sh*tting."
After a quick stop at a convenient shop, we are running to the train station. Once there, we see that the ticket line is too long and that we have only ten minutes before the train leaves. We run straight to the train where Yang Shuai pulls out his ID that shows he is a train attendant. Some Chinese words and money are exchanged, and I quickly find my sleeper bed seconds before the train is set into motion. I wave goodbye to my friends and to MuDanJiang.
TWO DAYS LATER:
Jennifer texts me that she is coming to Harbin and will arrive in three hours. I shut my phone off. Suddenly, I am blessed with a visit from Aunt Flo. At this point, I am no longer able to function due to all this monthly uterine pain. I turn my phone back on and guiltlessly text Jennifer that I am too sick to meet her. Here is what follows (in summary):
Jennifer: "You should treat me for hot pot because I treated you."
Me: "I'm sorry. I am actually sick and cannot move from my bed."
Jennifer: "Tell me where you live. Can I stay at your house tonight?"
Me: "I'm sorry. I am very sick and want to be alone."
Jennifer: "There is a Chinese word for this. And you are in debt to me."
Me: "I did not enjoy my trip to MuDanJiang. You didn't treat me well. Though, your husband did. He is nice. You are not."
(blah. blah. blah.)
Jennifer: "Fine. Pay me 150 rmb for the hot pot meal."
Me: "No. Leave me alone."
Jennifer: "I will come to your school, talk to your headmaster, and get it out of your salary if you don't."
Me: "Do it. I already told them a crazy person will come asking for 150 rmb."
(blah. blah. blah.)
Me: "I gave you a wedding gift that was 125 and paid for ice cream. So, if you return the gift to me, then I will give you the money."
Jennifer: "What's the address of your school? I will send it to you."
Me: "You should know. You told me you were coming."
ONE WEEK LATER:
My headmaster sits down with me and warns me that not all Chinese people are good people. She tells me that Jennifer has called numerous times asking for 150 rmb. She says that she told Jennifer that she was a bad person and to f*ck off.
A FEW DAYS LATER:
My Chinese coworker reveals to me that the headmaster wired Jennifer 150 rmb.
End of story. I hope.
After a bit more nonsense, we finally catch a bus and head to her apartment. On the bus, she receives a phone call from her mother. Following the call, she informs me that her mother and father are returning to their home with her aunt who just got into a fight with her husband; that I am no longer able to stay at her apartment; and that I will need to get a hotel room for a couple nights. This new information makes me feel a little anxious. One never knows what to expect from a Chinese hotel room. My last night in a Chinese hotel room, I got charged for washing my face with one of the towels because it was "soaking wet." How can one really feel comfortable walking on egg shells and questioning if there is a charge for using the toilet paper?
So, we arrive to her apartment. The first thing I see when I walk in is three king-sized beds and a huge couch. I ask, "Can I just sleep on this couch?" She responds, "No. That's inconvenient. What if my parents need to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night and they see a foreigner sleeping on the couch?" After the misery of the past few hours, I decide now is a good time to tell me friend that I've changed my mind and would like to leave tomorrow. After a little confusion and maneuvering around a language barrier, Jennifer yells, "YOU DECEIVED ME!" Shocked and shy, I politely explain that I have many responsibilities that need to be taken care of. Still in shock and still being yelled at, I agree that I will stay only if we travel on Monday and Tuesday. I make peace with her and myself ("It's okay, Hope. It's only two extra days. You can handle it. How bad can it really be?"). I give her a scented candle and oil set as a wedding gift, and we decided to go to dinner.
Dinner: she takes me to a MaLaTang restaurant and tells me that we will share one bowl because later we will go to a snack street. I agree and walk with her to order the bowl of spicy noodles. I explain to her that I don't like rice noodles. She tells me that she does, so she will eat them. I tell her that I like this bean curd noodle. She tells me that she doesn't and then tells the waiter in Chinese that we don't want it. I repeat to her that I like it, and she tells the waiter in Chinese to add a little. I tell myself that this experience is strengthening my patience. We share the noodles while she talks to everyone about me rather than talking with me.
Following dinner, we walk for awhile. She shows me where she used to live. Then, we begin our search for a hotel with a vacant room and toilet accessibility which is surprisingly difficult to find. We walk back to her apartment to fetch my belongings. At this point, I am overwhelmed with emotions. I cry a little as I explain to her that I will leave tomorrow evening. Once again she yells, "YOU DECEIVED ME!" I try rationalizing with her and begin telling her my feelings. She responds, "I don't know what you are saying. Can you tell me again." I give up on conversing with her and finish with, "Just know that I am leaving tomorrow."
DAY TWO:
I wake up feeling somewhat better and even a bit optimistic. My friend arrives ten minutes earlier than when she said she would, and I happen to be brushing my teeth and washing my face. Before I can turn to say good morning, my friend says to me, "Why are you not ready? We are going to be late." My optimism...down the drain. Fearing I'll be given even more early-morning attitude, I decide not to go to the bathroom.
I leave my bag at the hotel, and we walk to get "mushroom noodles" for breakfast. Again, my friend talks with everyone around me about me ("MeiGuo...MeiGuo...MeiGuo...") but not with me. We stand up to leave and my friend demands that I say goodbye. I tell her no and walk away from everyone. Jennifer tells me that she needs to stop by her work before meeting her husband at the train station. So, we walk to her office building.
At this point, I really have to go to the bathroom after holding my pee all morning. I walk the down the hallway in search of a toilet. Within seconds I hear my friend, "HOPE! HOPE! DO NOT WALK AWAY FROM ME! COME BACK HERE." Now feeling like a small child, I tell her that I need to use the bathroom. Finally, she escorts me. Two stalls, two people. We walk in together without speaking. The silence is broken when my friend asks, "Are you sh*tting?" I politely say, "No," and hurry to finish. Just as I am about to exit the stall, my friend yells, "Do not leave this room. Wait for me until I am finished." I state that I am just going to go wash my hands. Again she states, "No. You can't. Wait for me. I am not suppose to bring anyone to my work." Respecting her despite how uncomfortable I feel being locked in a closet-side room with someone who is sh*tting, I stand at the door and wait. I wait...and wait...and wait while listening to her look up English words on her phone's dictionary. I hear a feminine robotic voice slowly and clearly say the word "colleagues." I now know this is what hell feels like.
The bathroom business finishes, and we walk back towards her office. "This is my col-lee-guh," she says as she introduces me to a Chinese man "he speaks perfect English." I say hello. He says hello. And I wait for him or her to speak any more English...I wait...wait...and wait. I listen to them talk in Chinese for 20 minutes until we finally make it back to her desk. She begins typing up some Word documents. I decide to be friendly and ask, "What are you typing?" She replies, "These are documents." Trying to make conversation again, I ask, "Yes. What are they about?" She replies, "They are documents." I give up and wait for her to finish...wait...and wait. An hour passes, the documents print, and we finally head to the train station to meet her husband Yang Shuai.
There, I am reunited with her husband, a caring and kind human being who is happy to see me. He makes me feel completely welcomed, comfortable, and different. He tells me that he would like to treat me to lunch. We make our way to a nice hot pot restaurant. Another Chinese man joins us and is introduced to me as Yang Shuai's "col-lee-guh." This man immediately expresses that he likes me (translated since this man speaks not one word of English) and the lunch has suddenly turned into an unexpected double-date. I'm asked awkward questions like: "Do you like him? Do you think he is cute? What do you think about his teeth? Do you think my husband is handsome? Who is more handsome?" I decide to openly express that I have no romantic interest in this person and would like that to be translated to him.
We finish the meal and spend the rest of the afternoon walking around a park. The double-date comes to a crashing halt after I dramatically pull my hand away from this Chinese guy after he attempts to hold it. Within minutes he decides to leave. Again Jennifer demands, "Say goodbye to him. Hug him." I smile and wave goodbye as I walk towards the women's bathroom.
Needing some space and solitude, I thought a toilet stall could give me this refuge. That was until I realized there are no toilets or stalls in this woman's bathroom. Oh. No. All I could see was six holes in the ground and about four Chinese women squatting over them. In Korea, I got naked with this girl in a public bath house. Now, I was going to pee in front of her. At least this time she wouldn't have to ask me whether or not I was sh*tting?
The three of us go to a salon and get Yang Shuai's hair cut (you know since that is what every foreigner would want to do when visiting a new city and new "friends"). Later we walk to a shop, and I decided to buy some snacks for the train I will soon be taking. I purchase a Korean peanut butter bar that looks like a good travel snack and put it safely in my purse to enjoy later. We make it back to her apartment. Exhausted from the day, we all take naps. I wake up before Jennifer, and Yang Shuai motions me to follow him to the computer in the other room. In his best English, he asks "What...time...do...you...go...back...to...Harbin?" I quickly reply, "Jintian Wanshang (tonight)." He finds the train schedule online and points to the 8:05 departure. He says, "Okay." And I think, "Wow. This was easier than I thought. The devil-girl just had to fall asleep."
We both return to the living room where Jennifer is now awake and eating a Korean peanut butter bar. Surely that is not the same one. I look down at my bag which is now unzipped and missing a newly purchased Korean peanut butter bar. WHO IS THIS PERSON? Is she a real person? Is this really happening to me? The married couple talk in Chinese, and she tells me that we will all go to his colleague's house (the same guy who tried to hold my hand). I tell her that I don't want to go. She gets up, walks to the bathroom, sits on the toilet, and continues talking with me and her husband while leaving the bathroom door wide open. It gets settled that I will take the 8 o'clock train home. She then says to me, "I am sh*tting right now. So, you need to go with Yang Shuai to get your stuff from the hotel because I am sh*tting."
After a quick stop at a convenient shop, we are running to the train station. Once there, we see that the ticket line is too long and that we have only ten minutes before the train leaves. We run straight to the train where Yang Shuai pulls out his ID that shows he is a train attendant. Some Chinese words and money are exchanged, and I quickly find my sleeper bed seconds before the train is set into motion. I wave goodbye to my friends and to MuDanJiang.
TWO DAYS LATER:
Jennifer texts me that she is coming to Harbin and will arrive in three hours. I shut my phone off. Suddenly, I am blessed with a visit from Aunt Flo. At this point, I am no longer able to function due to all this monthly uterine pain. I turn my phone back on and guiltlessly text Jennifer that I am too sick to meet her. Here is what follows (in summary):
Jennifer: "You should treat me for hot pot because I treated you."
Me: "I'm sorry. I am actually sick and cannot move from my bed."
Jennifer: "Tell me where you live. Can I stay at your house tonight?"
Me: "I'm sorry. I am very sick and want to be alone."
Jennifer: "There is a Chinese word for this. And you are in debt to me."
Me: "I did not enjoy my trip to MuDanJiang. You didn't treat me well. Though, your husband did. He is nice. You are not."
(blah. blah. blah.)
Jennifer: "Fine. Pay me 150 rmb for the hot pot meal."
Me: "No. Leave me alone."
Jennifer: "I will come to your school, talk to your headmaster, and get it out of your salary if you don't."
Me: "Do it. I already told them a crazy person will come asking for 150 rmb."
(blah. blah. blah.)
Me: "I gave you a wedding gift that was 125 and paid for ice cream. So, if you return the gift to me, then I will give you the money."
Jennifer: "What's the address of your school? I will send it to you."
Me: "You should know. You told me you were coming."
ONE WEEK LATER:
My headmaster sits down with me and warns me that not all Chinese people are good people. She tells me that Jennifer has called numerous times asking for 150 rmb. She says that she told Jennifer that she was a bad person and to f*ck off.
A FEW DAYS LATER:
My Chinese coworker reveals to me that the headmaster wired Jennifer 150 rmb.
End of story. I hope.
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