Top Ten Reasons Why My Chinese Life Is High-Risk

10. Chinese drivers have the right-of-way, and I am not a Chinese driver.
9. I don't know how to say "Help!" in Mandarin... or "Call the police." or "I'm lost." or "I've fallen and I can't get up."
8. I'm usually lost outside my neighborhood.
7. I don't own a bath mat.
6. I'm the only foreigner living in my neighborhood.
5. What's the Chinese # for 9-1-1?
4. The availability of high caffeinated beverages is limited.
3. Food sometimes contains bones.
2. I text while I walk.
1. Recently, China's morality has been in question.